Regrets!?

"The only regrets In my life are the choices I made out of fear."

 When I think of regret I always think of Frank Sinatra's "My Way" and the line; "Regrets, I've had a few, but too few to mention." I've always been jealous of this line as when I look back over my life I see far too many regrets. I just cant seem to get the attitude of not regretting something as its all part of what make me who I am today.

This may well be true, but who could I have been? Who should I have been? Could I be a better me than I am?

As someone who suffers from an anxiety condition fear plays a big part in my life, - and always has, although for a long time I didn't understand that it was fear.- And on reflection the opening statement, for me it couldn't be more true. There have been missed opportunities but they don't bother me half as much as the ones where I have felt overwhelmed to make a choice that I knew was the wrong one while being totally consumed by fear.

For me anxiety is an irrational fear that cripples me, it becomes physical in the way it can effect me. Sometimes I have the energy and courage to fight back and even on occasions win the fight, but on far too many occasions it will have me curled up in the corner praying for someone or something to make the monsters go away, I become the 8 year old child again scared by everything in the world and totally alone, needing the arms of a loving parent around me making the world safe again, but at 47 this isn't there.

So its fight or flight.

If you have read any of my previous posts you will know that these posts are about exploring subjects and not about having all the answers. I live with my condition daily and have to fight it daily, I can't tell you how to overcome it, all I can tell you is if I had more often, I would reflect with a lot less regrets.